


One Taste

by ChokolatteJedi



Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: Banter, Episode Tag, Episode: s03e03 Irresistible, Gen, Hijinks & Shenanigans, Manipulation, POV Multiple, Potions
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2008-07-19
Updated: 2008-07-20
Packaged: 2017-12-19 07:45:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 8,764
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/881254
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ChokolatteJedi/pseuds/ChokolatteJedi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Rodney takes a taste of Lucius' potion. John decides to play along</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Day One

**John POV**  
When John entered Lucius's house, he quickly noticed that Rodney, who was staring rather intently at a gourd, was a little red in the face.

"What's up?" He asked cheerfully.

"What? Oh, um, nothing. I was just looking to make sure that Lucius didn't have any of his, uh, magic mixture stashed away." Rodney seemed slightly more flustered than usual, but John assumed that it was due to his memories of his own encounter with the mixture. Which John wasn't going to let him forget any time soon.

"Well he keeps it over here." John informed him, walking over to the appropriate cupboard. As soon as he opened the already ajar door, he noticed one of the vials was half empty. Deciding to play along, he added, "At least, that's where his wives got it from before." No reason for Rodney to know that John had seen the vials before, all full, especially if he was to be the target of Rodney's taste test.

"Oh? Ah, good, good." Rodney hurriedly put down the gourd and moved over to the cupboard. "Well, we, we should probably take these back with us. You know, j-just to make sure that no one else decides to, to, uh, repeat Lucius's, uh, experiment."

"Well it wouldn't work on anyone who's had the doc's inoculation," John pointed out, even as he placed his pack on the table and began to put the vials into it, "but I suppose he could always take them to a new village. Could you see if he has any of that plant lying around?"

"Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Sure, sure." Rodney moved away from the cupboard at a speed just shy of running and began to ransack the room.

An hour later, they had found a few scraps of weed around the house and a few empty vials that they decided to take, just in case, and they were walking back to the Jumper. Just past the edge of town, Sheppard tapped his earpiece. "Yeah?" there was a pause and then he continued, "Sure, I'll be right there, Carson." Slipping the pack of vials off his shoulder, John turned to Rodney. "Listen, Carson is having trouble with some of the townspeople and he thinks they'll listen to me. Can you get this stuff to the jumper?"

"Well, shouldn't we both go?" Rodney asked quickly.

"No, we can't let them see the drug." Sheppard shoved his bag into Rodney's hands, forcing the physicist to take it. "Just get to the jumper and store it and I'll be back with the Doc as soon as possible." Without giving Rodney time to think of another argument, Sheppard turned on his heel and strode back into the town.

As soon as he was out of range of the scientist, John actually tapped his earpiece. "Carson?"

"Yes, lad?"

"Where're you?"

"I'm just about to take care of my last patient."

"Perfect. Could you meet me behind Lucius's house when you're done?"

There was a bit of a pause before the doctor replied. "Aye."

"Thanks. Oh, and if Rodney tries to contact you, can you tell him you're too busy to talk, but that I'm with you?"

Another long pause. "I suppose so."

"Great! I promise I'll explain everything when I see you."

"Alright. Beckett out."

"Sheppard out."

o)(O)(o

**Carson POV**  
When Carson walked around the side of the house, he saw Colonel Sheppard squatting in the dirt, tossing something up and down in one hand that glittered when the sun hit it. "Hey doc!" he said, catching the object a last time and rising.

"Hello, Colonel. Now, do yae mind telling me what this is about?"

"Sure. I just have one question first. Does that inoculation shot of yours mean that Lucius's drug won't work in any way, or just that you can't be put under its thrall?"

Carson raised one eyebrow. "D'ya know, Rodney asked me the same thing this morning. What are you two up ta?"

Sheppard gave him one of his patented innocent looks. "Me? I'm not planning anything." His expression suddenly turned serious and he held out the small object he had been tossing before.

Taking it, Carson saw that it was a vial, like the ones that Lucius used to hold his formula, and it was half empty. "Wha's this, then?"

"Is half a vial enough to put someone under thrall?" John asked. Carson looked into the pilot's face and saw the complete seriousness in his eyes. Suddenly everything clicked in the doctor's mind and he felt his face flush with anger.

"D'ya mean ta tell me tha' RODNEY 'as drunk this, this, this EVIL formulae ta try ta make us all intae his MINDLESS BLOODAE DRONES?!" Carson couldn't stop the words from pouring out of his mouth, even as he saw the colonel's mouth quirk up at the corners. His eyes were still serious, though, as he raised his hands.

"Calm down, Carson. I don't think Rodney wants to enslave all of Atlantis. He's saved our butts enough times that I think we can trust him."

"Then why would he drink this?" Carson shot back, waving the half-filled vial in the other man's face.

"To turn _me_ into his mindless bloody drone." Sheppard replied with his usual enchanting grin.

Carson couldn't think of something to say to that so he settled for gaping dumbly instead.

If anything, Sheppard's smile got bigger. "I think that he's feeling a little pissy because I've been teasing him so much about the whole Lucius thing. Which, in fairness, is only because he spent the entire morning before we met Lucius making fun of me while I trained with Teyla."

Carson nodded in understanding. John had definitely directed the majority of his Lucius cracks at Rodney, but now that he thought of it, Carson did remember the way that the scientist had been mocking Sheppard at their pre-mission check. "So ye think he jus' wan's tae put ya under his thrall fer a few hours."

"Yup!" Sheppard pushed away from the wall he had been leaning against and started to walk towards the edge of town.

"And yer smiling abou' it." Even as his feet followed Sheppard's, Carson made a mental note to check the man for head injuries once they got back to the city.

"Yeah, because Rodney doesn't know that I had you give me the inoculation in case my cold wasn't enough to keep me safe. So he thinks I'm the only one vulnerable to the drug."

Carson began to smile himself, slowly realizing the potential of the colonel's plan. "Ya mean ta play along with him fer awhile."

"Yep." The colonel's smile had turned positively devilish. "I figure I'll do what he wants for a day or so and then I'll accidentally say something in front of Elizabeth or Teyla."

"Tha's almost too cruel." Carson said, fighting to keep laughter out of his voice.

"You won't help me?" Sheppard's face fell.

"I dinnae say tha', son." Carson clapped him on the shoulder. He might have been a little more hesitant had Rodney not spent the entire jumper ride calling his work "nonsensical voodoo," despite the role he had played in freeing the physicist from life as a drone. "I said it was _almost_ too cruel. But I'm in no better mood wi' Rodnae righ' now than ye are. Wha' d'ya need me ta do?"

"Well first off, my excuse for meeting with you was that you radioed me, asking for help with some of the more stubborn patients. So if Rodney asks…"

"Aye." Carson nodded. "I won' give ye away."

"Thanks. And if you could also not tell him that I've actually had the inoculation…"

"Of course."

"Oh, and one other thing."

"Yes?"

"I'm gonna have to make fun of you a bit more, at least in Rodney's presence. But I won't tease you anymore when he's not around."

"And why would you have to make more fun of me?"

"Because, you're the one who's going to be spending the next two days locked in Rodney's lab. If you didn't notice in that time that I was acting strangely and confront Rodney on it, we would have to make sure you hadn't been replaced with some pod-Carson."

"Alright…" He could acknowledge the truth in that readily enough, though the reminder that he was about to spend two days with Rodney made his stomach drop. Hopefully watching the colonel's antics would help pass the time.

"So you're going to have to confront him about taking the drug. At which point he'll try to talk you out of going to Elizabeth, and the easiest way to do that is if you're already mad at me for teasing you so much. You'd be much more willing to just let Rodney boss me around for two days than if I had been perfectly nice to you all that time."

"Oh, that makes sense." Carson admitted. Sheppard certainly had thought this plan through, especially considering that he hadn't had very long to work it out. "Wait a minute, how long have you been planning this?"

"Just since I saw that Rodney had taken the formula." John shrugged his shoulders.

"Really? Then how did you come up with all of this so fast?"

"It wasn't that hard. It's just like field tactics anyways."

"If you say so lad. But how are ye going to keep Rodney from suspecting you?"

"Well he's not nearly as skilled at manipulation as Lucius was. He's going to be much more heavy-handed and he'll have definite expectations of how I should act. All I have to do is play the part."

"But can you do that?"

"Sure, doc. I'm really good at telling people what they want to hear."

"Really?" Carson couldn't keep the skeptical tone out of his voice. It was just that John wore his heart on his sleeve. Carson found it hard to picture the open-faced pilot capable of anything so _subversive._

"Yeah. I just choose not to use that skill very often out here." John replied, voice soft.

There was a brief pause as both men walked, saying nothing, and Beckett wondered what his friend was thinking of. Before he could work up the courage to ask, however, John spoke again.

"So, do you think the drug will be effective in all of these townspeople?" he asked, voice slightly louder than necessary.

"Wha? Oh, yes. I believe it'll work for them all." He replied

"Even the ones who were giving you trouble?" it took a moment for Carson to understand, and then he remembered the colonel's cover story.

"Oh, aye. Even though they didn't want to get the shot, the drug should still work through their system just like the others."

"Good."

They abruptly reached the edge of the forest and found themselves in the clearing where the jumper was parked. Rodney was sitting on the ramp, watching for their return, and his interested face indicated that he had heard them speaking. Carson didn't say anything, but his respect for Sheppard increased a bit. How the man had known how close they were, or that Rodney would be listening… he had timed their conversation perfectly.

"Hey, Rodney! Afraid we weren't going to make it?" Sheppard called out, smirking when the physicist jumped slightly.

"No, I was simply tired of listening to what passes for conversation among your stupid military grunts." He called back snippily.

Before John could respond, an MRE hit the back of McKay's head. "Sorry," Lorne's voice came from inside the jumper, "but what do you expect from a stupid military grunt?"

Rodney chose not to respond to the Major, and instead grumbled to himself as he packed up his laptop.

John patted Rodney's shoulder comfortingly as he and Beckett entered the jumper, and then said, "Oh, by the way, Rodney, could you please grab that MRE? We don't want to waste it." The three marines sitting in the back all burst out laughing and Lorne offered his commanding office a large smile as they passed.

John plopped himself down into the pilot's seat, wiggling a bit to get comfortable, and indicated that Carson should take shotgun. The doctor eagerly complied, noticing that Lorne had chosen to ride in the back with his men instead of taking the fourth seat in the front.

When Rodney finally stomped into the cabin, he didn't seem to notice that Carson had taken the seat he had had on the way over. He simply sniffed, sat down behind John, threw the MRE back at the marines, and said, "Can we leave this backwater planet now?"

"Sure thing, Rodney," John replied, grabbing the controls.

o)(O)(o

**John POV**  
John easily guided the jumper down through the open roof of the Jumper Bay and brought it in for a gentle touchdown in his usual parking space. Ignoring the commentary that Rodney had kept up for the entire flight, he hit the release for the back ramp and smiled when the whoosh of released air was drowned out by the sound of marines rushing to grab their gear and get away from the Physicist. He glanced over at Carson and saw the appreciative smirk on the Scott's face. He answered with a grin of his own as he finished the Jumper's shut down ritual.

"Well are you going to sit there all day or are we going to go meet up with Elizabeth and finally get this whole ordeal over with?" Rodney snapped, slinging his bag up over his shoulder.

"Actually, I was thinking of just blowing off Elizabeth's meeting," John drawled, relaxing back into his chair and stretching his feet out, "the climatology reports have been indicating some sweet breakers on the mainland this week."

He was less than surprised to feel Rodney's pack _accidentally_ hit the back of his head as the scientist spun around. "Not a chance, flyboy. It I have to sit through Carson's voodoo lecture about sticking needles into people, so do you."

John shook his head, cutting off Carson's sputtering, "You know, Rodney, you should really wait to make those kinds of comments until _after_ Carson's given you your post mission physical."

"I'll thank ye not to make them at all!" Carson added, collecting his own bag from behind his seat. "Or I might decide that ye need a little minor surgery - without anesthesia!"

"Y- y- you wouldn't do that!" Rodney protested, eyes wide, "you took that oath thing!"

"Oh, aye, but Voodoo Practitioners don't actually follow the Hippocratic Oath." Carson spat back.

Rodney's jaw dropped and he was reduced to staring dumbly at the doctor as John and Carson pushed past him to exit the jumper. They were halfway to the corridor when Rodney finally caught up with them, puffing slightly.

"Alright, I take it all back. You're a real doctor who adheres to real medical practices… and rules." He added the last bit almost under his breath, but John heard it clearly.

John opened his mouth to retort, but then they rounded the corner and he saw Elizabeth waiting for them at the door to the conference room. "Hey!" he called, giving her a small wave. "How are things here at home, _Liz_?"

"Just fine, _Colonel_. How did things go at the village?" Elizabeth led the way into the conference room, a small frown on her face,

"It went fine, Elizabeth," Carson jumped in, shooting a look at John. "There were a few people who didn't want to get the shot, but the major soon convinced them."

"Did he?" Elizabeth turned her gaze back to John, one eyebrow raised.

John felt the stirrings of panic for one second, realizing that he and Carson hadn't actually talked about this part of their cover, but he decided almost instantly to go for broke. "What?" he shrugged his shoulders and flashed her his best 'completely innocent' smile. "So maybe I threatened to shoot someone if they wouldn't let the doc stick 'em. It's not like I actually followed through on it."

Elizabeth's frown deepened, but she accepted his answer with a sigh, turning back to Beckett. "Please tell me you didn't let him threaten _too many_ villagers."

"No lass, just the most stubborn ones," Carson smiled winningly. "And after the Colonel spoke to the first one, the other three stopped fussing."

Rodney snorted and John glanced over, having almost forgotten that the scientist was there. "Oh, I'm sure they fell into line," he snarked, "if the Colonel stood there fondling his P-90 like he always does."

"I was not fondling my gun!" John protested.

"Aye, lad, ye were." Carson said. John glared at him, knowing that the doctor would be able to see his shock. Carson smirked at him before adding, "Just a bit."

"Yes, well," Elizabeth cleared her throat, "how did the rest of the inoculations go, Carson?"

As the doctor began his report, John tuned him out, relaxing back into his chair. He did not _fondle_ his gun, and somehow, Carson was going to pay for saying so.

o)(O)(o

**Carson POV**  
"So I think that, based on the reactions of our own people, compared to the amount of exposure, we can return Lucius to his village in two or three days, barring any sudden side effect developments." Carson concluded his report and looked expectantly at Elizabeth.

Out of the corner of his eye, he noticed John straitening to attention, and Rodney snapping out of his glassy-eyed stare. Though he enjoyed ribbing the others about it, he didn't take any offence, especially considering that he did the same thing when either of them prattled on about their own specialties.

"Wonderful." Elizabeth made an annotation on her pad. "I'm sure that the Colonel's men will be glad to be rid of Lucius so quickly."

"He does tend to talk a lot." John said, nodding sagely.

Though he appeared calm, Carson knew he needed to keep a close eye on the soldier in the next few days. He didn't like the gleam he had seen in the other man's eyes when Carson teased him about his gun. "Aye, he does at that."

"Well, if that's all, then I think we can call this meeting adjourned," Elizabeth interjected, seeming somewhat relieved herself.

Rodney practically leapt to his feet, shoving his things back into his bag. "Great. I need to get to my lab and start-"

"Not so fast, Rodnae." Carson held up his hand, secretly tickled to see Rodney's face fall as he realized he'd been caught. "You still have to report to the infirmary."

"What? That's ridiculous! We've been to this planet before. And besides, Sheppard's grunts didn't have to!"

"Actually, they did." Sheppard didn't bother to hide his smug smile as he unfolded himself from his chair. "Not long after Carson started his report Lorne called me and let me know that they'd all been cleared and were going to go write up their report for me."

"Oh." Rodney's face fell. "Can I at least go plug my laptop in so it can charge while you poke me?"

Carson considered it for a moment before nodding. "Alrigh', I'll do Colonel Sheppard first. But if you aren't sitting on one of mah beds in fifteen minutes, I'll come get ye mahself and I'll strap you down until I finish."

If possible, Rodney's face fell even further, but he nodded acquiescence. "Okay."

Satisfied that the scientist would obey, Carson looked around for his other patient. "Colonel, I trust you'll come quietly?"

"Sure." John shrugged placidly, heading for the exit. At the last moment, John looked back over his shoulder and, voice filled with nonchalance, asked, "Oh, by the way, Doc, when can I see this handstand that everyone's gushing about?"

"W-w-wha?" Carson had almost forgotten that embarrassing moment, or at least shoved it into the depths of his subconscious. Trust John to make it surface again. "NEVER!" he cried, panicked.

"Fine," John pouted, "I mean, you showed it to Lucius, but apparently I'm not special enough."

"Wha?"

"No, I understand. You just don't love me enough to show me. It's fine." With a sad sigh and a huge pout, John left the conference room.

By the time Carson had regained enough of his wits to reply, the man was long gone, and the others were discretely looking another way. Finally he settled on the only thing he could think to say, "Oh, he's going to regret that the next time he gets injured."

o)(O)(o

**John POV**  
John ducked into the first alcove he saw, waiting to ambush Carson when the good doctor finally regained his wits enough to storm out of the conference room. As he predicted, a few moments later the Scot emerged, muttering to himself as he stalked down the corridor.

Just before he reached the alcove, John stepped forward, grinning when Carson started. "I do not _fondle_ my gun," he declared.

Carson stopped short, and for a moment John thought he was going to gape dumbly at him again. Instead, he sighed and smiled ruefully. "I suspected as much. 'Ave ye got that out of yer system now?"

"Mmm hmm." John nodded cheerfully.

"Good. Then let's see if we can get you done before Rodney arrives." Carson began walking down the hallway towards the infirmary and John allowed himself to fall into step with the doctor. "Did Lorne actually contact you during the meeting?" Carson asked, giving John a sidelong glance. "Because I didn't receive any such message from my people."

John grinned, happy to see that Carson was keeping on his toes. "Nope. I just said that to wind Rodney up. I'm sure that with your presence at the briefing, they saw this as their great chance to sneak off and skip their physical."

Carson nodded. "I thought as much."

"Don't worry, Doc," John clapped the other man on the shoulder, "As soon as you free me, I'll hunt them down, chew 'em out, and send them to you with their tails between their legs."

"I'll hold ye ta that." Beckett started to laugh and John joined in as he swiped his hand over the infirmary door crystals. As the door opened, John had to laugh harder. Lorne was sitting on one bed, a thermometer in his mouth, hanging his head as Dr. Schwartz chastised him. "Well that's one less body I have to track down," he managed to say, still laughing.

Lorne's head shot up and he gave his commander a sorrowful look. "Teyla caught me with a stick," he mumbled around the thermometer, indicating a cut on his cheek, "and Dr. Swartz was kind enough to remind me that I had forgotten to come in after the mission."

Schwartz looked up, tsked, and readjusted the thermometer in his mouth, silencing the lieutenant.

Grinning, John sat on his own bed and stripped off his tac-vest. "Well that was very kind of Dr. Swartz." He rolled up his sleeve before Carson even reached for the blood pressure cuff and then winked at his second in command. "Though I'm sure you would have remembered in time." John gave his best evil Grinch grin. "Just like the rest of your team will remember very soon."

Lorne looked startled for a moment, but then he quickly returned John's grin. "I'm sure that once you're through with them they'll never forget again." He replied, once again jostling his thermometer out of place.

o)(O)(o


	2. Day 2

**Rodney POV**  
"Oh, Rodney, I had an idea!" John declared brightly as he sat down beside the half-asleep scientist. He plunked his tray down slightly louder than Rodney thought was strictly necessary, especially as all it contained was the colonel's usual coffee and waffles. Teyla and Ronon were right behind him, taking their regular places at the group's table. Teyla, with her yogurt and tea, and Ronon with two trays that threatened to overflow. It was an altogether familiar scene by all accounts.

Rodney suddenly remembered that John had said something to him and was probably expecting some sort of reply. Rodney decided that the best response was a "What?" around his mouthful of oatmeal.

It was apparently enough of a response for John as well, as he cheerfully replied. "Well you know Elizabeth's been insisting that everyone at least learn the basics of stick-fighting. And I know you're…" he paused, as though searching for the right words, "understandably nervous about learning with Teyla or Ronon, since you haven't had as much physical training as they have."

Rodney grunted into his coffee. That was certainly the nicest way they had ever phrased his desire to avoid death at the hands of a caveman armed with clubs. He still didn't understand why Sheppard willingly, even eagerly, allowed Teyla to beat him half to death with her sticks every week.

"Well, I thought that this afternoon, I could show you the basics!" John declared brightly.

"Huh. I'd rather train with that T-Rex on M1M-316." Rodney muttered, digging his fork into his scrambled eggs.

"Why?" John sounded hurt. "I'd keep in mind your…" another pause, "level of experience the whole time. And it would satisfy Elizabeth."

Rodney looked up in time to see Ronon snort into his plate, and didn't miss the smirk that Teyla tried to hide behind her tea mug. Seeing the way that they mocked him, Rodney started to get angry. He directed his glare at Sheppard, about to tell him exactly where to shove his training sticks, but something stopped him.

The colonel's smile was oddly innocent; his eyes weren't full of their usual smirking laughter. He looked completely sincere, something that made Rodney even more suspicious. He was about to demand to know what the joke was when he realized what was happening. John actually _was_ completely sincere- he truly, honestly, was looking for a way to get around Elizabeth's insistence that everyone learn stick-fighting. He was trying to _help_ Rodney.

The drug was working.

Rodney briefly considered refusing, but common sense intervened. This was probably his best way to get out of further training sessions. He would get John to sign him off for Elizabeth, and everything would work out. "Alright. Fine." He sighed, trying to sound put out, "But only if I can get all of my work finished this morning."

"Great!" John's face lit up when he smiled, "I'll tell Beckett, see if he can try to hurry this morning." Whistling cheerfully, Sheppard rose; leaving his breakfast untouched, and strode out of the commissary.

Rodney turned back to his plate, once again shoveling food into his mouth. If he was going to be expected to work all morning and then practice with John all afternoon, he needed as much energy as he could get. Even as he ate, he noticed the look that Teyla and Ronon shared, and the way that the Athosian eyed John's abandoned food.

Ignoring them, he merely snagged the corner of the colonel's try and dragged it towards his own, digging into the waffles with relish. After all, it wouldn't do for him to have a hypoglycemic reaction during the training session, would it?

o)(O)(o

**John POV**  
John whistled to himself as he walked down the halls of Atlantis. About an hour ago, Rodney had left the commissary and went to his office, where hopefully he noticed that John had set out everything he and Carson might need for their next tests. By now, the kitchen should be mostly empty as the cooks and their staff stood down until the lunch call.

Just in case there were a few people enjoying a late start in the main area, John used his special relationship with Atlantis to access the cooks' entrance in the back of the kitchen. He peeked around the wall and noticed that there were indeed some few personnel still eating. There were a handful of marines in civvies, obviously enjoying a slow start to their day off, and three scientists hunched over a laptop. And, not entirely surprising him, Teyla and Ronon were both still at their table.

Ronon was leaning back in his chair, his feet propped up on the back of a chair from another table. Teyla was leaning over the table, speaking to him with a serious look on her face. John snorted quietly to himself. They were probably wondering about his actions this morning. He quietly backed out of sight- no sense in letting them know that he was there- and began to put together a breakfast plate for himself.

He had never gotten the hang of making waffles, but there was bread for toast, jam from the Athosian equivalent of blackberries, milk, coffee, and an orange he snagged from the fruit bowl for later. As he ate his improvised breakfast, John thought about his next move in this game. It was definitely time for Carson to get suspicious, so he'd crank up the simpering a notch when he visited the lab. And he should probably say something to the rest of his team when they were sparring.

Finishing his meal, John began to poke around, looking for something to bring Rodney and Carson for a snack. He found some crackers in a cupboard and deciding that some fruit (all citrus-free) would go well with them, he grabbed some pears, bananas, and Athosian grapes from the bowl. He even managed to find a tapioca pudding cup hidden in the back of one of the fridges, and some blue Jell-O left over from a few nights ago. He gathered some plates and a few other goodies as well, adding them all to his slowly growing pile on the counter.

Satisfied with his scrounging, John put everything on a tray and grabbed a few water bottles on his way out of the kitchen. He had a few more stops before he went to Rodney's lab, so once again whistling a little nonsensical tune, he walked down the hall, smiling brightly at everyone he passed and ignoring the looks and whispers that spread behind him.

o)(O)(o

**Carson POV**  
"Ready for a break?"

Carson almost leapt out of his chair in fright when the voice materialized out of nowhere behind him.

"Sorry," John said, holding his hands up placating, "I didn’t mean to startle you like that, but I did wait until neither of you were doing anything that couldn't be disturbed."

"Its fine, lad," Carson reassured him, noticing that he and Rodney had both put down the tools they were holding. "What did yae want?"

"Oh!" bouncing on the balls of his feet, John walked to a table a little ways from the door. "I thought that you two could do with a little snack, since you've been in here working for a few hours." John indicated the food and plates that he had laid out and grinned, clearly quite pleased with himself.

Seeing the spread laid out, Carson had to wonder exactly how long the colonel had been moving around in the lab without their hearing. The man had an infuriating ability to sneak around, and Atlantis helped him!

"What'd you bring us?" Rodney asked, not bothering to look up from his notes.

"Crackers, fruit, water, and a special treat!" John declared, smiling widely.

Carson moved over to the lab table, seeing the large amount of food that the colonel had indeed brought. And, next to the water bottles he saw a packet of his favorite water flavoring. "Ye found peach flavor mix?" he asked, incredulous.

"Yup!" John sounded incredibly pleased with himself, "and raspberry for Rodney."

"You did?" Rodney abandoned his work and appeared at the table before Carson could blink. "I thought we were all out?"

"Officially, yes. But you just have to know who keeps the little stashes around the city." John's voice was full of playful conspiracy that made Carson instantly suspicious.

"Who di' yae get these from?" he asked, almost afraid to hear the answer.

"Well the peach was from Doctor Biro, who actually has a few packets left," John winked at Carson. "Much easier to find it, than raspberry. Apparently only one person in the whole city had any of that left."

"I don' think I wannae know." Carson decided, selecting a pear from the plate in the center of the table.

"Well I do." Rodney declared around a mouthful of cracker. "Who do I have to suck up to to get this stuff?" he shook the now red water bottle.

"Well, it's really no good sucking up to her; I took Elizabeth's last packet." John declared nonchalantly.

Rodney immediately dropped the water bottle to the table, grabbed his lab coat from the back of his chair, and threw it over the bottle. This done, he looked around the room, paranoia in full swing. "You stole this from Elizabeth?" he hissed.

"Well I knew it was your favorite flavor, and I knew that the Daedelus forgot it when they came last week, so you hadn't had any in a long time. I thought you'd be pleased." John's face fell as he spoke, until he looked positively pathetic to Carson.

Rodney looked shocked, as thought he had forgotten exactly why John was bringing him this treat. "Well… thank you, colonel… I appreciate the thought…uh…"

His stumbling apology was enough for John, apparently, because the pilot's face lit up. "Oh, I forgot, that was only half of the surprise!" he declared. Gesturing to a plate on the lab table that Carson hadn't noticed before, John drew the napkin off of it with a flourish.

"Is tha'-"

"Blue Jell-O!"

"Tapioca puddin'?" Carson and Rodney both grabbed for their favorite deserts, finding spoons already set next to their plates.

Carson was two bites into the treat when he regained enough sense to look up at the colonel. John was smiling hugely and, seeing Carson's look, he smirked just slightly. Carson knew he should be a bit annoyed with the way that the other man had read him, but he just couldn't care right now.

So few people in the city liked tapioca pudding, and so the Daedelus rarely brought it. Carson was delighted with the treat, and was suddenly very glad that John had included him in his plot against Rodney. Speaking of which, Carson looked around, wondering when John had disappeared from the table. It wasn't like he had… okay, so he had maybe closed his eyes- once!- but at least he hadn't moaned, unlike Rodney. Anyways, what was he… oh yes, he was looking for John.

The sound of running water drew his eye and Carson noticed that John was at the lab sink, washing some of the instruments he had been using that morning. He was about to say something, but glancing at their work space, he realized that the colonel had only taken the box for used instruments, leaving in place the ones that they were still using.

Carson turned back to his plate and saw that Rodney had also noticed the colonel's actions. He was watching the other man with a calculating look on his face that Carson didn't like at all. "So, Colonel," he began, drawing the focus of both men, "How did you figure out who had drink mix left?"

"Oh, it wasn't that hard. I just bribed Lt. Cadman to tell me."

"That harpy?" Rodney cried.

Carson could tell from the slight lift in the colonel's shoulders that he was going to have fun telling the lovely Lt. Cadman what Rodney had said. "What could you possibly bribe her with?" he asked, genuinely curious.

"Oh, I let her off duty for their ladies poker night," John replied, shrugging his shoulders. He began carefully placing instruments into the Ancient sterilizer. "In return; she tells me things sometimes when I ask."

His reply was so noncommittal that Carson would have bet that there was more to it than that, but he decided to let it go, as Rodney was already muttering something about 'Captain Kirk.' "Well that sounds like a very clever deal, Colonel."

"Oh, thanks Carson, but I'm not that clever." John tossed a bright smile over his shoulder, "Rodney here knows so much more than me."

Rodney puffed out with pride, and Carson couldn't keep himself from needling the physicist. "But what about tha' time when yae found the ZPM those monks had hidden? I'd say tha' was quite clever of ye."

"Oh please-" Rodney began, but John quickly interrupted.

"That wasn't clever; it was just something I had read once. Rodney would have figured it out and saved us!" he declared vehemently. "I just didn't give him enough time. I kept interrupting him."

"Yes, exactly," Rodney smiled, satisfied, "if he hadn't been interrupting me, I could have easily figured out how the pattern worked." Radiating smugness, Rodney turned back to his snack, completely missing John's smirk, or the impressed look Carson shot him.

Carson himself was in awe. He knew John had claimed to be good at telling people what they wanted to hear, but he hadn't really believed it until now. True, there had to be a reason that Rodney and Sheppard worked together so well, but he had never truly seen the colonel as capable of such manipulation. Why, he had just insulted Rodney, insinuated that the scientist couldn't think as fast as himself, and Rodney had been smugly pleased to hear it. Carson made a note to listen very carefully to everything that John said to him from now on.

The sterilizer hummed and John opened it, pulling out the cleaned instruments and placing them on a nearby tray. As Rodney and Carson finished their snacks, he placed all the tools and vials where they belonged, in easy reach of the two men working on the formula. By the time he finished, the other two were done as well and Rodney started to put his plate back on the tray.

Before he could, it was whisked out of his hand. "I’ll get that!" John declared brightly. "You just get back to your important work."

"Oh, right… uh, thanks." Rodney watched Sheppard clean up for a minute before heading back to his work station. Carson followed, not entirely surprised to see a spare water bottle beside each of their laptops and a steaming pot of coffee out of harm's way. He had no idea when Sheppard had managed to set up either thing, but the man did have that damnable sneaky trait.

John finished cleaning up the snack before they were ready to start, so he cautiously approached Rodney. "I'm going to take the dishes back to the kitchen. Is there anything else I can do for you before I come back with your lunch?" he asked, the very picture of smitten obedience.

Rodney looked thoughtful for a moment before replying. "Well, I think I left my office a bit messy earlier. If you think you could clean it up without breaking anything, that would be very helpful. My room is a bit messy too, but that can wait. Oh, and I haven't turned in my last few mission and lab reports to Elizabeth. Could you do that too?"

"Of course." John looked delighted with the tasks, which, in Carson's mind, didn't bode well for the scientist, but Rodney didn't seem to notice anything wrong.

"Well good. And make sure we aren't disturbed by anyone. This is highly important work." Rodney declared.

"I'll do that." John nodded. Then, without waiting for more instructions, he turned, picked up the tray with the remains of their snack, and left the lab.

Now it was time for Carson's part of their plan. "So, Rodney," be began calmly, "would you happen to have any idea why the colonel is acting a bit oddly today?"

Rodney looked up, and Carson could tell he was fully prepared to lie, so the doctor gave him his best, 'I know exactly what you did and I'm giving you this chance to come clean before I go find my largest needle' look. It worked like a charm.

"It was just one little taste!" Rodney burst out. "One taste for scientific purposes!"

o)(O)(o

**John POV**  
John left Rodney's lab and immediately headed for the kitchen, again slipping in the cook's entrance without seeing another person. He was careful to put things back where they belonged, not wanting to create any extra work for the kitchen staff. Once he was done, he decided to find someone to guard the lab. The best person he could think of at the moment was Major Lorne. And, it would have the side effect of annoying Rodney, which amused John to no end.

With all missions suspended until the drug was completely out of everyone's system, the Major was supposed to be catching up on all the paperwork that John hated doing. He was sure that the other man would be willing to take a few hours off to guard the lab. 

Once Lorne had agreed, with only one or two strange looks for his CO, John set off down the hall, whistling cheerfully. He had to clean Rodney's office and room, after all, and that could take a while. Especially with the little surprises he had planned for the scientist. Setting his watch alarm as a reminder to collect Rodney and Carson for lunch, John began to tidy and organize.

When his alarm went off a few hours later, John was about halfway done with Rodney's personal quarters. Deciding to finish up after their sparring session (while Rodney would certainly be visiting Carson to complain), John made his way back to the chemistry lab. He dismissed Lorne, who looked bored and a little suspicious, with instructions to take the afternoon off. John had no doubts that he would take the time to talk to either Teyla or Elizabeth. It was actually a good time to test their new foothold protocols, he had realized while cleaning. If Lorne, Teyla, and Ronon didn't go to Elizabeth with their suspicions about John's behavior, then he would need to have another stern talk with the base about protocol for compromised teammates. Mentally patting himself on the back for killing another bird with the same stone, John quietly entered the lab.

Seeing Carson and Rodney still hard at work, John again waited for a good moment to interrupt. At last Carson made a notation at the same time that Rodney moved to exchange tools, and John piped up. "Now we wouldn't want to be late for lunch, would we?"

Carson stayed better composed than the last time, but Rodney again started at John's appearance. "I'll clean up while you two wrap up the last of your notes or whatever," he said, flashing a charming smile at Rodney.

"Ah, yes, thank you." Rodney stumbled. He still didn't seem sure of what to do with his human drone, which only added to John's amusement. And from the carefully hidden smirk on Carson's face, John wasn't the only one enjoying this trick.

John had been cleaning for a few minutes when he heard Carson clear his throat. "Oh, John, I was wondering earlier. What did you study in college?"

"What?" John froze, shocked.

"Well I was reading the regulations about promotions and I saw that to become a full colonel, you have to have a master's degree in something. I was just wondering what Caldwell mastered in, and if you had a masters."

"Nothing important," John hedged.

"Oh come on, Rodney, you make him tell."

Rodney didn't even look up from his laptop. "Tell what?"

"What he studied! Aren’t you curious?"

"About Mr almost Mensa? Not really. It was probably something stupid like English anyways. Any idiot can major in English."

As Carson growled, John made a mental note of the insult, prepared to throw it back in the physicist's face when the time was right.

"But Rodney, I want to know. Make him tell!"

Rodney finally looked up, a small smile on his face. "If you wanted to know that badly, you should have taken my suggestion and drunk some of the formula. I'm doing this solely for my own benefit." With that he turned back to his laptop.

John could see how very close Carson was to actually taking Rodney up on his dare, so he waited until the doctor's shoulders slumped in defeat before he flashed his megawatt smirk at him behind Rodney's back.

It wasn't that he particularly cared if Carson knew, but he was saving the information for a time when the reveal would really shock Rodney, and this wasn't the right moment.

Once the lab was cleaned and both doctors had packed up their datapads, the trio walked to lunch. John made a point of filling Rodney's tray for him, ignoring Carson's pointed sniggering. Finding their usual table empty, John escorted them to it, and the three sat down to eat.

o)(O)(o

**Rodney POV**  
"So, Ronon, how many people did you actually hold down for Lucius?" John asked, even as he ducked Rodney's suddenly wild swing.

"What?" the Satedan growled. He and Teyla both dropped out of their fighting poses to stare at the oblivious pilot.

"Rodney, remember to aim at the side, not the neck," John gently admonished, acting as though he hadn't even heard the other man.

Rodney complied, refusing to look over at the others for fear that he might incur the caveman's wrath as well.

"What did you say, Sheppard?" Ronon asked, voice dangerously low.

"Good, Rodney," John said before replying, "Well, I was just remembering what Rodney said about how he was trying to avoid becoming a Lucius drone, and then you held him down and forced him to listen, and I was just wondering how many people he had you do that to. I mean, it's-- lower, Rodney-- it's a good use of his resources. He could have used Teyla for the same thing, or had Lorne hold them at gunpoint. It's a good strategy; I'm just wondering how many people he used it on-"

Before Roney realized what was happening, he was swinging at thin air, and Ronon had John pinned against the wall, one thick arm pressed over the smaller man's neck.

Teyla was on them both in an instant, tugging at the Satedan's elbow, trying to pull him off the colonel. As soon as Rodney could get his own muscles to work, he ran over as well and grabbed Ronon's other arm. He could hear Teyla's pleading voice, and his own, but he couldn't make out a word either of them were saying. Some of it must have gotten through to Ronon, though, because he finally stopped growling and pulled his arm away, allowing the colonel to fall to the floor.

The Satedan stormed out of the room as Teyla and Rodney both dropped to the colonel's side. In the sudden silence, Rodney could finally make out what John was whispering. "Rodney okay?"

o)(O)(o

**Carson POV**  
"Are ye mad, Colonel?" Carson exploded the second that the exam room door closed. He had finally booted the rest of Sheppard's team out so that he could examine his patient in peace.

"I didn't think he would react so badly!" John croaked.

"Don't talk," the doctor snapped, carefully examining the man's neck. A dark bruise was quickly forming across his hyoid and laryngeal skeleton, and Carson was concerned about the raspy quality of his voice. It definitely indicated some bruising to the actual larynx. "I never should have let you continue with this ridiculous stunt." Carson muttered.

"Not your fault," John whispered.

Carson glared at him and continued to examine his neck. "I told yae not to talk. I've half a mind to put a stop to this right now."

John opened his mouth to reply, but at Carson's continued glare, he shut his mouth again. Looking around, he quickly grabbed Carson's notepad and pen.

 _Please don't stop it._ he wrote quickly. _I'm almost done. Tomorrow, I promise._

"Really?" Carson asked skeptically. John was giving him a sincere look, but Carson had learned in the last few days what a devious mind could lie beneath that façade.

John quickly wrote again. _I'll stay out of trouble, I promise. I really didn't expect Ronon to react so badly to the question. I was just curious and figured this was a good way to wind him up. I had no idea he'd be so sensitive about it. It was all I could do to remember how I was supposed to be acting and not blow it at the end._

Carson considered that for a long moment. He also had no idea why Ronon had over-reacted to John's question - that was something for Elizabeth and Kate to ponder later. In the mean time, he had to do something about his newest patient. And, truth be told, he didn't want to stop John's game quite yet. He was rather looking forward to Rodney receiving his comeuppance, and he would be around Rodney, and therefore John, quite a bit for the next few days, so he could keep an eye on his patient...

"Alrigh', but ye are spending the night in here, and checking in twice tomorrow!' he decided.

"Thanks, Doc!" John whispered.

"And no talking!" Carson reminded him sharply. "Now, let me get you something for that bruising."

Smiling gingerly, John sank back onto the bed, for once a willing patient. Carson thanked his lucky stars for small favors and set off to the pharmacy.

o)(O)(o

**Rodney POV**  
Rodney paced frantically outside the infirmary doors. Carson had firmly kicked them all out, with an extra sharp look at Rodney. Teyla had stalked off, probably to find Ronon, and Elizabeth had quickly followed. Rodney was left alone in the corridor. Well, alone with his own thoughts.

He had no idea why John had suddenly lost his mind during the training session. The potion wasn't supposed to work that way! Sure, they had all become a little reckless while under Lucius' thrall, but there was nothing in the research he had done today to indicate suicidal tendencies. _What had John been thinking?_

This had definitely gone too far, Rodney decided. He would ask Carson to give John the antidote right away, and that would be that. He had only wanted to humiliate John a little, not to get him injured! And what on earth had the man been thinking? Even Rodney knew better than to provoke Ronon of all people! Sure he called him Conan, but only because the other man didn't understand the reference!

Yes, as soon as Carson emerged from his little domain, Rodney would have him give John the antidote. Then the others might not even ever have to know. It had just been one little taste! It shouldn't have gone this badly!

A while later - Rodney had no idea how long he had paced, his feet and thoughts following the same circles - Carson finally emerged. Like magic, Teyla and Elizabeth both hurried down the corridor a moment later.

"How is he?" Teyla asked quickly.

"His throat is bruised pretty badly," Carson admitted. "I've advised him not tae talk for the next day or so, but he should be right as rain after that."

"Good," Elizabeth said as Rodney let out a huge sigh of relief. "Did he give you any indication of what he was thinking?"

Carson glanced at Rodney quickly before looking back at Elizabeth and shrugging. "He just said he wanted tae know. He didn't think Ronon would react so badly."

He and Elizabeth both turned to look at Teyla, and Rodney mirrored them, assuming she would have some insight. "I do not know why, but he seems usually touchy about his time under Lucius' thrall," she said carefully.

"Aye," Carson agreed grimly. "I'd suggest perhaps a visit with Kate," he told Elizabeth.

"Oh yes, have him lay on a little couch and spill his deepest secrets!" Rodney burst out, unable to keep his anxiety and frustration in any longer. "Have you even met this man?"

Carson gave him a severe look before turning back to Elizabeth. "A fair point," she conceded. "But he should talk to someone. Teyla?"

"I will do my best," she said.

"Good," Carson sighed. "I'm going to check on the Colonel one last time, and then I'm to bed."

Rodney opened his mouth to ask to see John, but Carson cut him off. "And he's to have no visitors until tomorrow. "None, Rodnae!"

o)(O)(o


End file.
